It’s been a while since I’ve thought about blogging and even longer since I’ve actually bothered to post anything. So, here I am, ready to share a random collection of thoughts about my life. The life of a stressed uni student, who may or may not be having a quarter life crisis. Enjoy.
Hello to my new readers, and the old ones who have stuck around since before my blog was even called Coffee Shop Dreams. My name is Melis (as you probably know) and I’m the undergraduate who chose the course “English studies with creative writing” because following your heart, and chasing your dreams seemed like a better option at the time. Surely my determination, and a little optimism would get me the job I wanted in the end, right? *laughs nervously*
I know what you’re thinking, you’ve chosen your dream course and now you’re ready to enjoy learning everything you can about your field? No. The answer started out as a maybe, but now, as I stress over the work I should be doing instead of writing this post, it’s a resounding no. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less about half of my modules and I’m tired of being told what to read. I’m not even fond of my creative writing classes. The two hours a week which are supposed to help you hone your talent but in fact make you think a) There is no talent to hone or b) I don’t want to write anything at all. It’s an ongoing struggle, like picking up a flower and changing your mind every time you pull off another petal. A perpetual state of ‘I like my course’ and ‘I do not’.
In the grand scheme of things, I could be doing worse. I could have exams to stress about instead of essays, or deadlines every week. Even so, the black cloud of disappointment never fails to descend. The constant reminder that ‘you chose this’, which makes me rethink my decision as to why. .
I guess you could say that I’d expected to gain so much more than a piece of paper and a graduation photo to remind me that despite it all, I’d survived. I’d expected to actually enjoy studying the subject that I loved. I even expected to feel like a more confident, well-practiced writer. Yet, here I am, revealing to all of you that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Letting you all know that the expectations I’d once created have fizzled out, and my hopes of ever enjoying the course have disappeared alongside them.
This may sound over dramatic, but university has really made me question the society in which we live in. I was told the same lie as so many other teens…university will be the best years of your life. Now that I’m halfway through my three year degree, I have a few home truths to reveal. University, so far, has most definitely not been the best years of my life. In fact, it hasn’t even come close. It’s been lonely at times, stressful most of the time and disappointing on so many other levels. Yet, regardless of this, so many people told me to apply and that my life would be better off because of it. And, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure it is, nor will it be when I put on my cap and gown next year.
The once inaccessible world of degrees has gradually become a part of the classic ‘life plan’ over the past few years. The school, uni, career, marriage, children, work, retirement ‘life plan’ that is generalised to accommodate us all. However, the fact that you are reading this on my blog says it all. Just because this isn’t my job, doesn’t mean it couldn’t be. Just because most jobs require a degree, doesn’t mean that they all do. We live in a world where new opportunities are at the touch of a button, or the tap of a screen. And yet, like so many others, I got wrapped up in the idea of going to uni. The ideal which would somehow validate me as the career drive, determined young person I already knew myself to be.
Ironically, when I stop typing this post, I’ll go back to typing my essay instead. I’m probably not going to take up blogging as my full time job, or quit university because I’m tired of being told what to read. I’m going to keep working hard, studying texts that I don’t like by authors who I think are overrated. I’ll do everything I can, so that when I do become a graduate, I can say that I tried my best. So I can say that it wasn’t a misguided choice, but a decision that I’m glad I made.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments.
Until next time keep dreaming x