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Just another undergraduate…

It’s been a while since I’ve thought about blogging and even longer since I’ve actually bothered to post anything. So, here I am, ready to share a random collection of thoughts about my life. The life of a stressed uni student, who may or may not be having a quarter life crisis. Enjoy.

Hello to my new readers, and the old ones who have stuck around since before my blog was even called Coffee Shop Dreams. My name is Melis (as you probably know) and I’m the undergraduate who chose the course “English studies with creative writing” because following your heart, and chasing your dreams seemed like a better option at the time. Surely my determination, and a little optimism would get me the job I wanted in the end, right?  *laughs nervously*

I know what you’re thinking, you’ve chosen your dream course and now you’re ready to enjoy learning everything you can about your field? No. The answer started out as a maybe, but now, as I stress over the work I should be doing instead of writing this post, it’s a resounding no. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less about half of my modules and I’m tired of being told what to read. I’m not even fond of my creative writing classes. The two hours a week which are supposed to help you hone your talent but in fact make you think a) There is no talent to hone or b) I don’t want to write anything at all. It’s an ongoing struggle, like picking up a flower and changing your mind every time you pull off another petal. A perpetual state of ‘I like my course’ and ‘I do not’.

In the grand scheme of things, I could be doing worse. I could have exams to stress about instead of essays, or deadlines every week. Even so, the black cloud of disappointment never fails to descend. The constant reminder that ‘you chose this’, which makes me rethink my decision as to why. .

I guess you could say that I’d expected to gain so much more than a piece of paper and a graduation photo to remind me that despite it all, I’d survived. I’d expected to actually enjoy studying the subject that I loved. I even expected to feel like a more confident, well-practiced writer. Yet, here I am, revealing to all of you that it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Letting you all know that the expectations I’d once created have fizzled out, and my hopes of ever enjoying the course have disappeared alongside them.

This may sound over dramatic, but university has really made me question the society in which we live in. I was told the same lie as so many other teens…university will be the best years of your life. Now that I’m halfway through my three year degree, I have a few home truths to reveal. University, so far, has most definitely not been the best years of my life. In fact, it hasn’t even come close. It’s been lonely at times, stressful most of the time and disappointing on so many other levels. Yet, regardless of this, so many people told me to apply and that my life would be better off because of it. And, to tell you the truth, I’m not sure it is, nor will it be when I put on my cap and gown next year.

The once inaccessible world of degrees has gradually become a part of the classic ‘life plan’ over the past few years. The school, uni, career, marriage, children, work, retirement ‘life plan’ that is generalised to accommodate us all. However, the fact that you are reading this on my blog says it all. Just because this isn’t my job, doesn’t mean it couldn’t be. Just because most jobs require a degree, doesn’t mean that they all do. We live in a world where new opportunities are at the touch of a button, or the tap of a screen.  And yet, like so many others, I got wrapped up in the idea of going to uni. The ideal which would somehow validate me as the career drive, determined young person I already  knew myself to be.

Ironically, when I stop typing this post, I’ll go back to typing my essay instead. I’m probably not going to take up blogging as my full time job, or quit university because I’m tired of being told what to read. I’m going to keep working hard, studying texts that I don’t like by authors who I think are overrated. I’ll do everything I can, so that when I do become a graduate, I can say that I tried my best. So I can say that it wasn’t a misguided choice, but a decision that I’m glad I made.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Until next time keep dreaming x

 

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8 thoughts on “Just another undergraduate…

      1. I did think that there would be a lot more in class writing opportunities and more direct feedback as to where I can improve! I have really started to lose sight as to why I’m doing this degree, but I’m sure when these deadlines are over with I can take a moment to recover, destress and recommit X

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  1. Keep your head up! I too have had a tumultuous relationship with university (and writing, and *ahem* blogging), but even on the days where it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel nor a reason for why we put ourselves through it, we do it because we love it.

    …Or, at the very least, have a love/hate relationship with it. Good luck, and for what it’s worth, enjoy it? :p

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! At times like this it really is a struggle, but I’m trying not to get too discouraged. I’ll keep that all in mind. Good luck too, or at the very least, well done for having such a great outlook haha 🙂

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  2. I totally agree with all you have said at the moment it’s all stress no enjoyment and I really want to be thinking wow this is amazing it will be worth it I hope really good writing btw x

    Liked by 1 person

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